2024年12月15日、横浜シネマリンで上映中の武内剛さん監督作品「パドレプロジェクト」の上映後のトークショーに登壇して参りました♪　
※English is below.

私は日々たくさんのJFCの子どもたちや若者と接しています。なので、上映中、色々な顔が思い浮かんで来ては「ああ、あの子ともこの子とも一緒に観たかったな～」と何度も思いました。

父親不在で育ってきた子どもたちの中には幼い時には純粋に「パパに会いたい。愛してる」という気持ちを表しますが、思春期になると「なぜ自分を見捨てたのか。自分は父に愛されて生まれてこなかったのか。この世に生まれて来るべきではなったのではないか」と父親への怒りや自分自身を肯定的に受け入れられない者も多くいます。しかし、子どもたちが成長し、成人を迎えると、父母の事情も理解しようとし、父に対しての怒りより「この世に産んでくれてありがとう」という気持ちを伝える子どもたちが多いです。

私はそんなＪＦＣたちと接していて「これまで父からずっと遺棄されてきたのにどうして「ありがとう」という思いになれるのだろう」と半信半疑な思いを正直持っていました。でも、武内剛さんのフィルムを観て、そして上映後のトークショーの中でも話してましたが、「自分がまだ10代20代だったらそんな気持ちになれなかった。今だからそういう気持ちになれた」ということを述べられていました。フィルムの中では、武内剛さんが日本社会の中で疎外感を感じて日本に復讐したいという思いでアメリカに飛び出したことがさらりと述べられていました。否定的な思いはさらりと表現されてましたが、武内さんが経験してきた怒りや苦悩、悔しさ、やるせなさ等のたくさんの苦しかったであろう思いがぎゅうぎゅうに凝縮されているのを感じました。フィルムは武内剛さんの全く飾りのない素直な等身大の姿で描かれているので、観ている側も肩肘を貼らず、自然体で観ることができるのだと思います。

個人的なことをさらけ出して映像にするのはとても勇気のいることだったと思いますが、武内剛さんの個人的な経験をこうして公にして下さったことで、このフィルムを観た多くの同じような境遇にある人たちが共感し、勇気づけられ、励まされ、生きることに前向きになれるのだと思います。

当日、何人もＪＦＣを誘ったのですが、5人は体調不良などの理由でくることができずとても残念でした。鑑賞することができたＪＦＣたちは、武内さんの経験と気持ちが自分の経験や気持ちに共通することが多くあり、共感する場面が多かったと思います。本当に良いフィルムなので、いつかＪＦＣネットワークで上映会をして武内さんとＪＦＣのユースたちとの懇談会とかを開催したいです。

最近、生まれてから一度も父親に会ったことのない30代のJFCが父と初めて会いました。彼は父に「今まで何もしてあげられなくてごめんね」と言われ、「ずっとずっと30年以上抱えてきた父へのわだかまりがすーっと無くなって気持ちが楽になった」と彼は話してくれました。

「ごめんね」。たったの一言ですが、この言葉はとても重要な一言で、何十年も抱えて来た苦しみや困難が消えてしまうほど子どもたちの気持ちを救うだと感じてます。
上映会終了後、JFCのユースメンバーたちと劇場近くに発見したフィリピン料理のレストランで会食をしました。武内剛さんははじめてフィリピン料理を食べたということで美味しいフィリピン料理を味わえてもらえてよかったです。

On December 15th 2024, I went to the talk show after the film screening of “Padre Project” directed by Go Takeuchi, which was being shown at Yokohama Cinemarine♪
I work with many JFC youth and children on a daily basis, so during the showing I kept thinking, “I wish I could have seen this with that youth or that youth too…” as I remembered the many faces of the youth and children I work with.
Some of the children who have grown up without a father express their pure feelings of “I want to see my father. I love my father” when they are young, but when they reach teenage years, many of them feel anger towards their fathers and are unable to accept themselves positively, thinking “Why did he abandon me? Should I not have been born? I think there are many who feel anger towards their father and are unable to accept themselves positively. However, as children grow up and reach adulthood, they try to understand their parents’ circumstances, and many of them express their feelings of gratitude to their father for bringing them into this world, rather than anger towards him.

When I was working with these JFCs, I was honestly wondering how they could feel “thank you” when they had been abandoned by their fathers all their lives. However, after watching Mr. Go Takeuchi’s film and talking about it at the talk show after the showing, he said that “if I was still in my teens or twenties, I wouldn’t have been able to feel that way. It’s only now that I’m able to feel that way”. In the film, it was mentioned briefly that Mr. Takeuchi left Japan for America because he felt isolated in Japanese society and wanted to take revenge on Japan. Although his negative feelings were expressed in a simple way, I felt that the film was packed with the many painful emotions he must have experienced, such as anger, anguish, frustration and helplessness. The film portrays Mr. Takeuchi’s honest, natural, unadorned character, so I think that the audience can watch it in a natural way without over-thinking it.
I think that it took a lot of courage to reveal his personal experiences in this film, but by making his personal experiences public in this way, I think that many people in similar situations who watch this film will be able to empathize with him, be encouraged, and become more positive about life.

I invited several JFCs to the showing, but unfortunately five of them were unable to come due to illness or other reasons. I think that the JFCs who were able to attend the showing were able to relate to many of the experiences and feelings expressed in the film, and there were many scenes that they could empathize with. It really is a good film, so I would like to hold a showing of it at some point in the future through the JFC network, and also hold a get-together event with Mr. Takeuchi and the JFC youth.

Recently, a JFC in his 30s who had never met his father before in his life met his father for the first time. He told me that his father said to him, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything for you until now,” and that “the feelings of unease I’d been carrying around for over 30 years towards my father just disappeared and I felt so much better.

“I’m sorry.” It’s just one word, but I feel that this one word is very important, and it can help children to feel better, to the extent that it can make them forget about the pain and difficulties they have been carrying around for decades.

After the screening, we had lunch with the JFC youth members at a Filipino restaurant we found near the theater. It was the first time for Mr. Go Takeuchi to try Filipino food, so I was glad that he was able to enjoy the delicious Filipino dishes.